Saturday, 19 November 2011

Isolation vs Motivation.

So, it's been practically forever since I last wrote. It's not that I've been super busy or anything, though that is partly true. I just decided that I'd try something new.

Since the last rant that I wrote on this blog, my life has changed dramatically. Whether it's for better or worse, God hasn't revealed to me yet. Upon returning to another Psychiatrist appointment a few weeks ago, two more diagnoses were made. It was concluded that as well as going through OCD, I was also showing great symptoms of depression, as well as a form of cognitive rituals. I'm still attempting to process this all, and it's a lot to get one's head around. When you actually feel like you are getting somewhere, or feel like you are getting better, it isn't exactly helpful to be told that you also have depression.

As a result, my medication dosage has been increased, and so have the resultant side effects. Some days are good days, and I feel motivated for life. Others aren't so good. I find that when I'm having a bad day, the best thing for me to do is to lie down, and cry until I sleep. It sounds depressive, but it actually helps most of the time.

However, whilst this has been hard, it has, like most of life's challenges, taught me a life lesson. Over the past month, isolation has been tempting. Sometimes it seems that all people do is hurt you, and that your life would be improved if you stopped associating with them. It has been tempting to stay in bed all day, refusing to go to school, not particularly wanting to deal with the stresses of talking to friends or family.

I know how it feels. I've been there and I'm still going through it, still fighting that temptation. The aim of this post is, as well as updating you on my life, to plead with all who are reading this to not give in to isolation. Instead, find motivation in your life, as hard as it is. Find the thing that keeps you going, the thing that never fails to put a smile on your face. For me, it's my passionate love for learning science and maths, my best friend  Timothy who has been forever supportive, and the amazing, sacrificial, eternal love of Jesus through which I am saved.

Don't give in. I know it doesn't seem this way now, but it will get better. When you feel like you're at the lowest point, look to your place of comfort, that special person that brings you solace, and know that it can only get better. Isolation is a curse, don't let yourself fall under it. If I can survive this journey, so can you.

'My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.'
-Pslam 73:26.