Monday, 8 August 2011

In the beginning.

"Normality is boring," they all say. "Be different", "live life on the edge", "take risks". Everyone seems to have this universal view that the more different or out there you are, the more you enjoy life, or the easier it is to live. It seems a little bit silly, don't you think? That people, by trying to stand out from the crowd, are actually only trying to gain approval, or to fit in. Not me.

To any casual observer, usual onlooker or innocent bystander, I drip with normality. On the surface, I may appear just like any other teenager, only thinking about boys, fashion and celebrities. Truth be told, I crave mediocrity. I'd give up everything possible to be anonymous, to be unnoticed, to be normal. There's one thing that makes me different. It's my dirty little secret, my private torment, my daily obsession. 

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 

I don't have a quirky little habit or a mere love of organisation. I have a disabling condition, a mind that controls me, a chemical malfunction, a misunderstood disorder.

In case you are reading this blog with no prior knowledge of what OCD is, I feel I should give you a brief run down. An article that I found on a website titled "Hungry Beast" describes it well. It reads, "When someone is a perfectionist, or just very particular about something, we often jokingly say they have OCD. But Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, an anxiety based mental illness, is a lot more complicated than just being a neat freak. OCD is made up of two things: the obsessions, which are unwanted repetitive thoughts, and compulsions, which are the rituals people use to alleviate the anxiety of the obsession.OCD sufferers are everyday people, controlled by a condition that makes them behave in irrational ways that they themselves see as unreasonable but feel they can't do anything about."

This blog will tell my story, under the anonymous name of 'Magenta'. Nobody needs to know my name. For who is only the function of what, and what I am is a young girl trying to help, inform and educate others in her own journey as she tries to fight the monster that lurks deep inside of her, that is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.


  1. Hi Magenta,

    I found your blog from the comment box on the Beat OCD blog.

    I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    I am 33 and have had OCD since I was about 7 years old. I blog about it as well as other stuff over at

    Lady Delphinium-

  2. Hi!

    I look forward to reading more of your posts!

    I like how you said you drip with normality to the outside observer but inside you are suffering so. Very well said.

  3. Hello! It made me so happy that you were my first follower. :) I've recently checked out your blog, and find it really insightful and helpful.

    I'm 15 years of age, and have OCD since I was about 7 too.